Change is the doctrine that's ruling not only our habits, style, and thoughts but is also proving to be a testimony to our ethics! Hectic life styles and cut-throat competition at work place compels us to find solace with the person who is easily accessible to us, i.e., our office colleague!!
An office colleague initially starts interacting with you to discuss a work related issue or an idea. Sooner or later you start realizing that you are sharing more than what you are paid to share or discuss with the person. This person inhabitates your personal space and secretly crawls into your inner thoughts and feelings that you would have been inhibited to share even with your spouse [for reasons of time constrains]! Doesn't this person fit into the image called, "office spouse"?
Don't you think that your office spouse play a more important role in your life? The person is sharing your momentary stress, your little successes, and your mood swings that engulfs you in every day office work. You don't need to wait till day end to get that doze of pamper and soft talk from your own spouse to pep yourself up. Moreover, it takes more time and energy to share the day's events with your partner, right?
Matter becomes complicated only when the office spouse creeps into your bed. It is quite natural for two individuals who are emotionally connected for about 8 to 10hours in a day to explore each other beyond the external realms. Although the intention of the office spouse is not to cheat their own life partners, still they end up doing the unaccepted.
So, what do we do with the numerous office spouses that are created in today's work place? Are we defining a new relationship between two individuals?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
Of life, love, and lust
What's the harm if I like him? For me, it's as innocuous as any other form of love. Why should I feel guilty about it? Because I am married? My marriage is nothing but the diamong ring that I wear. My marriage is nothing more than the surname that I got a couple of years back. My marriage is nothing but the hurt sentiments and lovelorn cravings, the hurt feelings that have never been cared for. So what's wrong if I let myself fall in love again and let myslef feel important once again?!
It makes me feel the flutter in my stomach when I sit next to him, the rush of blood to my face when our eyes get locked, the skip of heartbeats when we touch - in short, it's like time rewound. I had long forgotten how it feels when love strikes you. May be yes, I am not "supposed to" love anybody apart from my husband ... but then what happens to my humane desires? Do I lock then up in some dark corner of my heart and stop myself from revisiting those areas of carnal plasure just because my husband has no time for some private moments to share?
I waited. I waited for years for him to make me feel loved and wanted. I waited for the touch, the sensuous feel of breath on my skin, for those intense moments when love meets lust.
But now it's time for me to put an end to all speculations and expectations, and get going with what my heart says. I don't know where it will take me. But I know I won't let myself get carried away beyond a certain limit. And yes, as long as it lasts, it gives me reasons aplenty to feel happy and whisper in my mind: "Yes, I am in love!"
I will let myself fly, smile, sing and dream ... I will let myself be happy.
It makes me feel the flutter in my stomach when I sit next to him, the rush of blood to my face when our eyes get locked, the skip of heartbeats when we touch - in short, it's like time rewound. I had long forgotten how it feels when love strikes you. May be yes, I am not "supposed to" love anybody apart from my husband ... but then what happens to my humane desires? Do I lock then up in some dark corner of my heart and stop myself from revisiting those areas of carnal plasure just because my husband has no time for some private moments to share?
I waited. I waited for years for him to make me feel loved and wanted. I waited for the touch, the sensuous feel of breath on my skin, for those intense moments when love meets lust.
But now it's time for me to put an end to all speculations and expectations, and get going with what my heart says. I don't know where it will take me. But I know I won't let myself get carried away beyond a certain limit. And yes, as long as it lasts, it gives me reasons aplenty to feel happy and whisper in my mind: "Yes, I am in love!"
I will let myself fly, smile, sing and dream ... I will let myself be happy.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The Show Goes On!
I don’t consider myself a happily married woman.
I have a husband who, I think, does not have the time to stop by and think of me. He is one of those “manly” men, who believe that it is sissy to express love and affection.
Well .. he was not so “manly” when I fell in love with him. We used to talk for hours. I still remember those nights when outgoing calls used to be free between 11 p.m. to 8 a.m. and he used to call me right at the dot of 11.01 p.m. We would talk for hours, regardless of the fact that we had to get up early in the morning and go for work. Nothing mattered more than those precious hours when we talked to each other about any topic under the sun.
As a child, I have grown up seeing a father who hardly spoke to anybody in the family. My father is one of those “manly” men too, who believe that talking is a woman’s job. As a teenager, I had decided that I would marry a chatterbox. Yes, a chatterbox. I wanted somebody with whom I could talk for hours, with whom I could share my thoughts. So when I met this chatterbox in disguise, I fell in love! That was not all ... he looked smart too! He spoke well and sounded pretty modern. And more than anything else, he successfully managed to appear to be a passionate lover!!! There was no reason I would hold myself back from falling head over heels in love with this young man.
However, things changed as soon as we decided to get married. I failed to notice that he had gradually started to cut down on our endless discussions; he had become quite distant, and had almost stopped sharing his feelings and thoughts.
That was very strange. And call it foolishness or blind love, I completely ignored those changes as “work load”.
So, one fine day, we got married. Till then, I did not see how he would behave when angry, because he had never been angry with me. Till then, I did not know how he would react when he is told that he was doing something wrong, because I never knew he would stand by his mother even when she accuses me without any valid reason. Till then, I did not discover a lot of things.
And when I discovered the undiscovered, it was like a hard slap on my face. There I was, away from my parents with completely new people all around me – where I was not accepted for what I was. They wanted me to behave the way they always dreamt of an ideal daughter-in-law. And unfortunately for me as well as for them, I did not fit into that picture of the perfect daughter-in-law, which they had envisaged. And they wouldn’t accept anything that is away from their vision.
I was shattered. My mother-in-law had problems because I wore pajamas in the night. My mother-in-law had problems because I did not give my entire salary to my husband. My mother-in-law had problems because I was modern and because I was from a family that was better off financially and had lived a rather comfortable life.
So, my question here was: didn’t you all see me before your son married me? I lived there with him before got married for almost 5 months along with my sisters-in-law. Didn’t they see me at that point of time that I was wearing pajamas at home? When they met my parents, didn’t they notice that we were financially better off? And worst of all, why should my mother-in-law have problems if I kept my hard-earned money in my account? I was contributing my share for household expenses and EMIs!! Then why the hell was I expected to hand over the entire amount to my husband!!??
What angered me the most was that throughout all this crisis, my “manly” husband never opened his mouth and stood by me even once. I was left to cry all alone in the corner without anybody coming up to me to talk or comfort.
Before we got married, my husband had told me not to let his mother work in the kitchen when she visits us. His reason was “She has been slogging all her life, so I want her to relax when she is with us”. And when did that, my mother-in-law accused me of banning her from the kitchen!! And my dear husband screamed at me saying “You want to rule, right? You want to make my family feel as if they are outsiders!!”
That’s not all! They even blamed my mother to be the culprit behind all the problems. My sisters-in-law took it as their moral responsibility to be rude and impolite to my parents. My husband thought it was his duty to make things clear and to tell me that my parents were not welcome anymore. All this and more, because my parents came to stay with us for almost a month (girl’s family is not supposed to stay this long!) and because my mother tried to explain things to my husband, thinking that would help him understand me better.
Hell broke loose the day I couldn’t take all the nonsense any more and retaliated! I was rude, and I wanted to be rude. I had every reason to be rude.
Since that day, the graph of happiness in my life has seen a constant down slope.
Surprisingly, all this happened 3 and a half years back, and I am still married to this same man; live with his entire paraphernalia, and have a child out of this marriage. We still have bad fights and I still wonder why on earth I married this man.
I really have no clue what made me fall into this trap. I really have no clue what makes me stick on.
May be it’s hope. May be it’s the child. May be I have just got used to living in that rut.
People call me strong. Because they feel I am strong enough to go through all this without losing my mind.
But to be honest, I think I am weak. Too weak to call it quits and walk out.
I have a husband who, I think, does not have the time to stop by and think of me. He is one of those “manly” men, who believe that it is sissy to express love and affection.
Well .. he was not so “manly” when I fell in love with him. We used to talk for hours. I still remember those nights when outgoing calls used to be free between 11 p.m. to 8 a.m. and he used to call me right at the dot of 11.01 p.m. We would talk for hours, regardless of the fact that we had to get up early in the morning and go for work. Nothing mattered more than those precious hours when we talked to each other about any topic under the sun.
As a child, I have grown up seeing a father who hardly spoke to anybody in the family. My father is one of those “manly” men too, who believe that talking is a woman’s job. As a teenager, I had decided that I would marry a chatterbox. Yes, a chatterbox. I wanted somebody with whom I could talk for hours, with whom I could share my thoughts. So when I met this chatterbox in disguise, I fell in love! That was not all ... he looked smart too! He spoke well and sounded pretty modern. And more than anything else, he successfully managed to appear to be a passionate lover!!! There was no reason I would hold myself back from falling head over heels in love with this young man.
However, things changed as soon as we decided to get married. I failed to notice that he had gradually started to cut down on our endless discussions; he had become quite distant, and had almost stopped sharing his feelings and thoughts.
That was very strange. And call it foolishness or blind love, I completely ignored those changes as “work load”.
So, one fine day, we got married. Till then, I did not see how he would behave when angry, because he had never been angry with me. Till then, I did not know how he would react when he is told that he was doing something wrong, because I never knew he would stand by his mother even when she accuses me without any valid reason. Till then, I did not discover a lot of things.
And when I discovered the undiscovered, it was like a hard slap on my face. There I was, away from my parents with completely new people all around me – where I was not accepted for what I was. They wanted me to behave the way they always dreamt of an ideal daughter-in-law. And unfortunately for me as well as for them, I did not fit into that picture of the perfect daughter-in-law, which they had envisaged. And they wouldn’t accept anything that is away from their vision.
I was shattered. My mother-in-law had problems because I wore pajamas in the night. My mother-in-law had problems because I did not give my entire salary to my husband. My mother-in-law had problems because I was modern and because I was from a family that was better off financially and had lived a rather comfortable life.
So, my question here was: didn’t you all see me before your son married me? I lived there with him before got married for almost 5 months along with my sisters-in-law. Didn’t they see me at that point of time that I was wearing pajamas at home? When they met my parents, didn’t they notice that we were financially better off? And worst of all, why should my mother-in-law have problems if I kept my hard-earned money in my account? I was contributing my share for household expenses and EMIs!! Then why the hell was I expected to hand over the entire amount to my husband!!??
What angered me the most was that throughout all this crisis, my “manly” husband never opened his mouth and stood by me even once. I was left to cry all alone in the corner without anybody coming up to me to talk or comfort.
Before we got married, my husband had told me not to let his mother work in the kitchen when she visits us. His reason was “She has been slogging all her life, so I want her to relax when she is with us”. And when did that, my mother-in-law accused me of banning her from the kitchen!! And my dear husband screamed at me saying “You want to rule, right? You want to make my family feel as if they are outsiders!!”
That’s not all! They even blamed my mother to be the culprit behind all the problems. My sisters-in-law took it as their moral responsibility to be rude and impolite to my parents. My husband thought it was his duty to make things clear and to tell me that my parents were not welcome anymore. All this and more, because my parents came to stay with us for almost a month (girl’s family is not supposed to stay this long!) and because my mother tried to explain things to my husband, thinking that would help him understand me better.
Hell broke loose the day I couldn’t take all the nonsense any more and retaliated! I was rude, and I wanted to be rude. I had every reason to be rude.
Since that day, the graph of happiness in my life has seen a constant down slope.
Surprisingly, all this happened 3 and a half years back, and I am still married to this same man; live with his entire paraphernalia, and have a child out of this marriage. We still have bad fights and I still wonder why on earth I married this man.
I really have no clue what made me fall into this trap. I really have no clue what makes me stick on.
May be it’s hope. May be it’s the child. May be I have just got used to living in that rut.
People call me strong. Because they feel I am strong enough to go through all this without losing my mind.
But to be honest, I think I am weak. Too weak to call it quits and walk out.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Much ado about Revirginization!
The buzz is about "Hymenoplasty"! Todays women not only want to repair their facial contours to remain young, but also want to reinstate their virginity. The science behind hymenoplasty is about surgically reconstructing the hymen that is broken after a sexual intercourse. This surgery is usually undertaken by women who want to experience the pain and pleasure of the first time intercourse.
Womanhood has come a long way! From times when women in "civilized" societies were considered to be private properties of men to current times where women are basking in glorious "sexual" liberalization. Gone are the days where streaks of blood on the bed of the newly wedded woman was considered to be the pride of her family! Virginity is no more an issue for the woman or for the society.
Amidst much ado about revirginization, I wonder, if such surgical amendments of the vagina is able to restore the emotional moments of a woman's first sexual intercourse in life!! Don't we(woman)dedicatedly surrender our emotions to the first man who physically owned us?
Womanhood has come a long way! From times when women in "civilized" societies were considered to be private properties of men to current times where women are basking in glorious "sexual" liberalization. Gone are the days where streaks of blood on the bed of the newly wedded woman was considered to be the pride of her family! Virginity is no more an issue for the woman or for the society.
Amidst much ado about revirginization, I wonder, if such surgical amendments of the vagina is able to restore the emotional moments of a woman's first sexual intercourse in life!! Don't we(woman)dedicatedly surrender our emotions to the first man who physically owned us?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wish it was yesterday again!
Friend: so i dropped him home
Me : ok
Friend: while leaving he hugged me tight
Friend: I was doing something and he just pulled me and hugged
Friend: i liked it
Me : it feels so nice na?
Friend: yeah :)
Friend: i wanted to come out of the car .. and I was pre-occupied with something
Friend: that's when he pulled me towards him and hugged me tight
Friend: may be he would have kissed me also...
Friend: but didn't :D
Me : hehehhe
Friend: It makes me feel good even when I am telling you this :)
Me : i can understand
Me :
Me :
Friend: what happened?
Me : i want to feel all that again ya .....
Friend: hmmm i know
I fell silent for some time. I don't remember when I received a warm hug, a passionate kiss, or particiapted in slow and sensual sex. Married to my boyfriend of 2 years, romance in my married life pulled the shroud sooner than the courship period. I long for that adrenaline rush, that surge of blood, and the butterflies in the stomach. My only source of feel-good-factor has been the memories of the days when Adrian used to blow me a kiss from the farthest corner of the room, give me a quick and sudden hug when no one was around, or hold my hand tight as if to say "I'm never going to let you go." Thinking of those moments make me crave for all that attention all the more...
But I know that Yesterday once more is just a song!!
Me : ok
Friend: while leaving he hugged me tight
Friend: I was doing something and he just pulled me and hugged
Friend: i liked it
Me : it feels so nice na?
Friend: yeah :)
Friend: i wanted to come out of the car .. and I was pre-occupied with something
Friend: that's when he pulled me towards him and hugged me tight
Friend: may be he would have kissed me also...
Friend: but didn't :D
Me : hehehhe
Friend: It makes me feel good even when I am telling you this :)
Me : i can understand
Me :
Me :
Friend: what happened?
Me : i want to feel all that again ya .....
Friend: hmmm i know
I fell silent for some time. I don't remember when I received a warm hug, a passionate kiss, or particiapted in slow and sensual sex. Married to my boyfriend of 2 years, romance in my married life pulled the shroud sooner than the courship period. I long for that adrenaline rush, that surge of blood, and the butterflies in the stomach. My only source of feel-good-factor has been the memories of the days when Adrian used to blow me a kiss from the farthest corner of the room, give me a quick and sudden hug when no one was around, or hold my hand tight as if to say "I'm never going to let you go." Thinking of those moments make me crave for all that attention all the more...
But I know that Yesterday once more is just a song!!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Truth is Harmful!!
The doctrines of morality has been screeching for ages saying "truth shall always triumph". I wonder though if there remains any truth in this saying! Does speaking the truth really resolve all problems in life or does it bake fresh ones? Although, the answer to the question can vary for individuals, I think, it is better to bend the truth rather than spilling out the factuals.
My varied acquiantances have got me closer to people whose lives justify the concept of bending the truth to be blissful. A typical analogy can be this one; a friend of mine whose husband is in army and is posted in the cold mountains of Kashmir finds herself attracted to a colleague in her office. There remains no guesses that one fine day my friend finds herself crossing her boundaries to satiate her physical desires with her colleague! She develops no emotional intimacy with her colleague except for the momentary surge in her pleasure-churning-hormones. Although, this matter of truth is known to me, will she ever be able to spill the truth to her husband? I think, hiding or bending the truth if confronted by her husband would be a better option for her marital bliss.
I read somewhere that it is always better to let your mysteries (read "TRUTH") die naturally with time. Not all truths can lead you to triumphs; it's even better to hide it if you can't bend it!! Isn't this true or do I sound brewing a vice called, CHEATING?
My varied acquiantances have got me closer to people whose lives justify the concept of bending the truth to be blissful. A typical analogy can be this one; a friend of mine whose husband is in army and is posted in the cold mountains of Kashmir finds herself attracted to a colleague in her office. There remains no guesses that one fine day my friend finds herself crossing her boundaries to satiate her physical desires with her colleague! She develops no emotional intimacy with her colleague except for the momentary surge in her pleasure-churning-hormones. Although, this matter of truth is known to me, will she ever be able to spill the truth to her husband? I think, hiding or bending the truth if confronted by her husband would be a better option for her marital bliss.
I read somewhere that it is always better to let your mysteries (read "TRUTH") die naturally with time. Not all truths can lead you to triumphs; it's even better to hide it if you can't bend it!! Isn't this true or do I sound brewing a vice called, CHEATING?
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